but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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