Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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