I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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