when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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