I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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