the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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