I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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