so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
