please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
