So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
