The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
