carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
