I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
