I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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