Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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