Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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