life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
