the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize