1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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