there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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