please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
