cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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