dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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