I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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