They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
