Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
