4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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