he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
