i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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