Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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