in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i've created a new STD.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
