: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
