i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
