Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
