Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
