So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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