It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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