I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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