My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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