She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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