So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
