Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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