Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
