wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
