But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
