Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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