yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
