just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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