I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
