The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
