if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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