I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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