her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
