just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my sisters under your porch take her home
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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