I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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