he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
