I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Two words: blizzard sex
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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