I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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