you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
