I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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