Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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